Hi, everyone! It’s that time again! Monthly news and accountability! Now with NaNoWriMo ramblings included!
Life And Other Such Important Matters
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’s NaNoWriMo! Good luck to everyone participating! May the wordcount be ever in your favour! I am, currently, sick with nerves because anxiety. Which also means I’m sitting on gallows humour because the alternative is… not pretty. I am, anxiety notwithstanding, doing pretty okay personally, if as chaotic and struggling with words as ever.
Honestly, I caved in, like, August or September and started watching Critical Role and it has been doing a lot of good things inadvertently. Notably, it turns out that watching nerdy people being so comfortable being nerdy is a very good way to internalise that you being nerdy and quirky is not a bad thing. Who knew that role models were so important! (Everyone. Everyone but bigots knew. Anyway!) It’s a bit slow, partially because I’m not currently seeing a therapist to help me – for one I’m on an even keel, for another I am not about to deal with the “Your asexuality is the problem here” when it is emphatically not. Unless you’re a bigot, I guess – but it is helping and working and it’s… good. You know, I was That Kid that never had stage fright, growing up. I was that kid that stood in the wings of the stage, raring to go. I remember this marked difference between the other kids I performed with and me, but that could just be my terrible memory exaggerating the effect of a handful of kids with severe stage fright on the whole group. Mostly I remember just enough of the feeling to remember it was exhilerating and empowering and good. I would perform in one way or another… so much. Like my holiday adventures included “Let’s make a one-person radio play and record it for my family and friends!” as a prime feature.
Somewhere out there in the multiverse, there is a version of me who went into performing arts. Probably multiple versions, actually, since my childhood basically lived and breathed amateur theatrics and performance of all kinds. But I was also bullied a lot and the very last thing you want to do when you’re bullied is be visible. Or at least I don’t. And so I developed anxiety that slowly encompassed performing until performance anxiety became one of the big big ways it reveals itself and I pushed things like this away as much as I could. I stopped singing. I stopped dancing. (Listen, I watched too many Disney films as a child. My life pre-longterm-bullying-effects was basically a one-person musical.)
If you’ve listened to any of my Lynn Reads podcasty things, you’ll probably have noticed that I am… not good at a neutral reading tone. I can’t help it somehow. Aiming for different voices and emotional tone just seeps in, no matter how much I try. No matter how much I have tried, throughout my life, to make myself entirely nondescript and invisible. (For the curious: yes, I am still introverted and that make it easier to lean into becoming invisible.) And hey, you know what? It’s okay to be, well, me. But I needed to see actual adults having fun together, doing the things I had bullied out of me, to remember and start to internalise that it is, indeed, okay to exist.
Anyway, so that’s how I’m doing. Getting bits and pieces of myself back and it feels good.
Video: Where to Find More Acespec Fiction
Welcome back to another instalment of my Asexual Awareness Week mini-series on fictional ace representation. Today I’m taking a quick break from recommending you specific book titles to stop and ask “But where do you FIND them, Lynn?”
- AceWeek videos (that links to a thread collecting them all, but they’ll be listed individually below too)
- 0/50,000 words on anything (notably DemiPrincess2)
- Avoid writing nonfiction (excepting Let’s Read Academics) for a month
- 12/12 books
- Met my deadlines
I mean, I purposefully kept this month light because I had a huge and superimportant deadline to work on, which sadly I do not yet have news on, but yay! Also I still struggled mightily. OMG.
This Month’s Fiction Wordcount: 5,544
This Month’s Non-Fiction Wordcount: 20,096
DemiPrincess2: I have finally puzzled out this plot point issue I was having. FINALLY.
Twinkle: I’ve been trying to work and rework this and it’s just not working. I’ve moved it from “Needs a rewrite to work” to “Has some nice ideas, but the overall structure and thing should never see the light of day”. I’ve had a post on this percolating that I want to write eventually.
Stand-out Positive Moment
Realising that I was getting bits of myself that I distinctly remember back! I AM VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS. Where that’s going to lead, goodness only knows, but healing is good.
This Month on Patreon
How about you? What have you been up to lately? Has anything awesome happened?